“Mystes,” March 2017
I drew this mandala after my first holotropic breathwork session. I emerged feeling confused, ashamed, scared, discouraged, defeated—and yet also open to courageously allowing myself to be witnessed, supported by the facilitators. I started drawing without any intention, viscerally experiencing self-judgment and self-doubt as I drew. While I drew, I was aware that I couldn’t recall any content about what I had just experienced on the mat. As I journaled the next morning, the content of my breathwork experience flowed through my pen with pristine clarity: I had experienced myself as Yggdrasil, felt the presence of my childhood imaginary friend (“Bigfoot”), suffered and died by crucifixion, and rolled onto my side in the fetal position just as the music stopped, organically uttering, “It is finished.” While sitting for two breathers in the breathwork session on the second day of the workshop, I felt fully present, connected, available. In a flash, I experienced insight regarding mystical interpretations of the Holy Trinity not previously known to me and later confirmed by esoteric study. Ongoing attention to this experience has allowed me to more readily understand my personal relationship between self-creativity and Universal Creativity. As I continue beholding this mandala, I experience the potential of all of my breathwork sessions, all of my mandalas within it.
“The Sasquatch Scoop,” September 2022
This mandala emerged as I felt through a “Heart of Christ” experience occasioned by co-facilitating at Dreamshadow’s® weeklong training event at Pendle Hill Retreat Center in the fall of 2022. I didn’t intend to draw anything in particular. “The Sasquatch Scoop” emerged through a Promethean burst of creativity.
As I continue tending this experience, I have become more aware of what I need in order to feel secure, safe enough to respond authentically, to participate in life more fully as the expert of my own experience. Ongoing attention to the process by which I expressively drew this mandala has further contributed to my understanding of the esoteric, mystical connotations of Creatio ex nihilo. (Please see my accompanying article entitled “A Processual Metaphysics of Imaginary Companionship as Exceptional Creativity: Spiritual Emergence / Emergency,” which explores the psychological and philosophical implications of the process by which I drew this mandala and by which I continue to understand my experience.)
